Active Soul

WELCOME!
to a real-whole-istic approach to living boldly

I want to encourage you to notice, explore, experiment and determine what works for you when it comes to living well. If you need some support to guide you along your path of self-discovery and optimal living, then have I got some creative solutions for you that you probably haven't used or thought of!
I have a toolbox of life affirming activities to help you live your best life,
 a life more empowered; a life more daring.

Integrating self-care practices start with a single step.....

 move towards setting time out for your self:
http://activesoul4u.com/pb/wp_e1606dec/wp_e1606dec.html

 now you're ready to repair & rejuvenate your soul:
http://activesoul4u.com/pb/wp_7f9d1dad/wp_7f9d1dad.html

No matter where you are on your journey, it's never to early or to late to make changes; right now is a great time because your life is happening NOW!
You owe it to yourself to make this moment totally awesome.
When you are happy, everyone else around you benefits from your energy, and gives them unspoken permission to release their own greatness within.

Being in the industry as a nutrition worker, I know food is critical for health and happiness but it is only one component in the nourishment requirements your body/mind connection needs to thrive. Healthy relationships, regular physical activity, fullfilling work and a spiritual practice all contribute to filling your soul with peace and joy. We hunger for stimulation, recognition, certainty, touch, adventure, creativity; all of these are essential forms of nourishment. Everything is food. Food can fill you up but it cannot fulfill you. We need experiences to grow.
We take in the experiences of life in thousands of ways. Sometimes, we need to slow down to reconsider what we've learnt from our past experiences and then re-learn as we challenge our childhood conditioning, beliefs and values that were passed onto us and through us in our growing years. As time moves on, we realize that hanging onto them through habit limits our capabilities, the choices we make and the outcomes they produce. There must be another way to live truer to ourselves. There is. The connection between leaving the past behind and moving into the future with clarity starts with being in the moment, working with a "what is" frame work of thinking rather than a " if only..."  limiting thought process. It is about accepting where you are right now. Once you start to identify what in your life is keeping you from making healthy choices, only then can you gain the clarity needed to instinctively gravitate towards nourishment that will best support you and allow your body and mind to operate at its fullest potential.

And where are you now?

Sign-on for a change that will nourish you from the inside, out!

I look forward to serving you.

Marla @

www.activesoul4u.com

Do you live your life based on events that happened in the past: a difficult parental relationship, a humiliating situation at school or a challenging relationship that ended in an unsatisfying way? In some ways, I was living my life through my past pain; I've healed a lot of holes in my spirit but there were sooooo many levels to peel through with my mom. I would get through a couple of layers and then something would happen and I would get triggered, fall back a layer and into responding the same way with her. Something had to give but I didn't know what- I didn't know until I went through it. It's taken 20 years of 'therapy' but I finally get it! I still needed my mom's approval and I needed her to show me she loves me, but I needed it shown in my way. I'm not blaming her anymore; I'm taking responsibility to say that I was playing the victim, thinking I needed her to do for me before I could do for me. I can't depend on anyone else to give to me what I am unwilling to provide to myself first. I need to love me the way that I want to be loved. I even thought I needed my husband to show me that he loves me in a certain way and if he didn't, I felt abandoned and I would shut down; It's the same pattern of behaviour I learnt through my relationship with my mom.
....OMG- another "AHA' connecting moment- I felt abandoned by mom everytime I perceived her choosing my brothers over me. Her actions might show me that she cares more for my brothers but the power lies in me to know and feel that I don't need her actions to validate for me that I am loveable. I am love no matter what does or doesn't happen.

 If you don't heal past hurts, you'll carry those patterns of  behaviours into other relationships, whether it be at work, with a friend or an intimate relationship. We each put rules onto our loved ones; they look different for everyone; what are yours? What triggers you; were is its source?

With these new revelations of truth popping up, my relationship with my husband is flourishing and my energy is radiating out to others; I know this because of the responses I've been getting- making me blush.

 I'm discarding the peels that aren't serving me anymore; I am releasing my inner goddess within and it sure feels freeing, sensual, powerful and uplifting. I can really feel the difference right down to my cells. When one fully takes responsibility for their own happiness and peace of mind, only optimal feelings of well-being can be experienced- they go hand in hand.

 What do you need to let go of or embrace to truly feel alive?

I would love to hear from you.

Take care,
Marla

Previously, I said that I find it hard to feel positive emotions and to fully express them freely; well, that's been changing but it's been low on the radar, not showing itself with force. Society tells us that happiness needs to be loud and fierce for it to be real but I'm learning that it's slow and steady and sneaks up on you, noticeable when one takes the time to sit back and reflect on their life.

I was reading a story about a lady that healed herself from stage 4 cancer by going deep into her internal wounds, looking at the patterns and then letting go. It hit me that I've been feeling as though I'm still living this hard life but it's only my ego (my story) that kept me in this 'lack of' or 'need of' finding answers 'out there' to feeling free in myself. When I look back on my life, I see how I've been taken care of by a higher power that I've taken for granted. When my baby son was sent to the hospital after stopping breathing on us, a specialist, from out of town, caught the trouble and found a solution. When my husband lost his job that year, we lived on $17,000, paid for a leased vehicle and our son's medicine as well as rent, ect. How did we do it? When I rented out a space and formed my catering company, didn't make much of a profit but I made a contact that ended up giving me the job that I'm currently in. Serendipity? Meeting my husband; being prayed over, I got pregnant with my daughter; so many life affirming events that demonstrates that I am loved and loveable for just being me and for trusting that all will work out when I let my life flow without judgement, shame, guilt or unforgiveness. When I believe and trust in myself, my life flows. As the chapters of my story evolve from the perceptions of the pains of yesterday, I am slowly transformed into a main character of substance, humility, grace and beauty. Everybody saw this in me; I needed to see it in myself. It's the perception of how we view the world that colours our experiences of it. Once we can acknowledge our perceptions, we can then challenge and then change them so that we can start to heal, and blossom into the being we are meant to share with each other. We need to take responsibility for ourselves; own what is ours and learn to let go of the rest.

We are here to love and be loved. We can't see that truth if we are stuck in perceptions that weigh us down. Undress yourself from the pains of yesterday; put on a new, colourful, rewarding style of honest seeing with a fresh new pair of eyes. And smile. 

Because it feels so darn good to!

I read somewhere that most people's lives are the same for the last 5 years except for the people you meet, the books you read, the music you listen to. In this mood, my ego was telling me that my life was boring, I was living in the poor house and was stuck from moving forward. I knew that I was thinking of myself as a victim in this state and that's not who I want to be, so I sat down with my emotions, reflected on my fears and then challenged them by asking myself, "Is it really true?" 

Is it true that my life is boring? In the last 5 years.........

• I took a group of ladies on a backpacking trip to Italy
• I went back to school when I lost my job, then started up not one, but 2 businesses 
• started a new position that gives me freedom to use my talents
• travelled to California for training
• through my adventure club, have tried many activities such as gunshooting and dogsledding

Is it true that I live in the poor house?

• we have not one but 2 vehicles
• I am making a good wage in my position, the most I've ever made
• our needs are being met, the bills are being paid

Is it true that I'm stuck from moving forward?

• I've taken my fears of technology and have used that energy to teach myself how to use different medians to make my business run smoothly
• I've attended 5 tradeshows in the past month
• When I decided to take a job, the position opened to me that day

Is it true that I am unworthy of success?

• Why would I be? My heart is in the right place; I've worked at honing in on my skills and attributes; I'm here and because of that fact, I deserve to be who I am, to share what I know and to prosper with what I give out and take in. I know this logically but obviously, I still had to integrate it into my soul at a deeper level. 

My life is far from boring or stagnant; my issue is that I don't allow myself to feel  my power, joy, excitement, even my femininity ; It's as though my emotions are on auto pilot of my childhood when I didn't feel any happiness, just blandness; a companion that's been with me for all my life. When I do feel good, my ego (B.S!.) attacks, "Who do you think you are to feel this good?" and it shuts me down. I'm thankful that I can sit with my mood, acknowledge it and then challenge it. Well, I've outgrown this companionship; I'm ready to make friends with joy, peace, success, prosperity, .....all things good for me. So what did I do?  I posted on facebook; felt accountability to do something; as a result.....

• I got on the phone to muster up business
• I had beautiful, sexy photos taken of myself
• I talked to my manager to push my capabilities
• I gave myself permission to succeed 

Most of all, I pay attention to how I'm loving myself; that's where the real power lies.

Power on!

.

Sometimes we want to take classes to learn about a subject but most information can be learnt in a variety of ways, not just limited to a classroom. I'm encouraging my daughter to stop stressing about the University she will attend and to start listening to her heart in this moment she's about to pick a class for next year. What excites her? What makes her feel alive? What God given talent can she learn more about within herself? And how is she inspired to learn it?

"The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson." Tom Bodett

I've often said this about my life; I learn something new about myself, which in turn teaches me about other people, everyday. Life offers me the lessons that allow me to expand my thinking and grow my 'soul' and I listen and take part in this journey with an eager and open heart. I take responsibility for all of me. When something bothers me, I listen to what my inner knowing is trying to express to me. I notice the suffering in others and I want to ask them what it is they are saying about themselves; what judgements are they hanging onto? What are they unwilling to accept about themselves and their life? It might look and feel as though the problem lies elsewhere, but it never does. That's what taking responsibility means; knowing that you are in charge of your life, in what you get and in what you give, in all aspects. Most will not accept this; denial is easier. But by staying in denial, you stay stunted in your growth; your light is dim; your energy is low.  That is not how we are meant to live.

Unconditional self-acceptance means accepting your SELF, though not necessarily condoning every behaviour or choice you make. You are in no way "bad" or "good" for choosing a behaviour or thinking a certain way; you are the same being either way. When you stop rating yourself, you are less afraid to take responsibility for your choices and behaviours since each does not condemn you to a label of 'badness" or "worthlessness"; you will become much more able to change and grow.

Choose to let go of the Ego's demands and be willing to learn how to live from your inner power, all knowing part that is connected to Divine life.

Wake up to life and you will wake up to learning more about your greatness inside!

Some of my behaviours and choices in my teen years invited loneliness and instilled self- deprecating beliefs about myself. I was looking for love in all the wrong places and instead of my love tank being filled with acceptance and appreciation, it was usually filled with insecurity, distrust and shame. I din't have a healthy vision of myself by being in those relationships and I let their behaviours influence my perception of myself.

My husband has encouraged me to look at my past with a fresher outlook; I made choices for myself based on the level of self-acknowledgement I had at the time. He also said that even though I might not have been happy in the relationships, I still shared a part of my sacred self and that the young men must have lived better as a result of that interaction as I am a beautiful, caring woman.

Relationships can restore and heal or they can crush and tear apart; I believe it all starts with an 'intention'- are you making a choice or imparting a behaviour out of love or out of fear? Before you act on something, ask what it is you hope to gain. This will give you a better understanding of where your heart is in your decision making.

The other day, I met a photographer that did beautiful snapshots of women who survived cancer. I said that I wanted to have a beautiful shot of myself but that I didn't know what pose would suit me or which way I should hold my head. She said that it wasn't for me to decide, that she would see me in a different way than how I view myself. Where I could feel self conscious and insecure about certain areas, she would see only possibilites through focusing on the strengths her eye can see.

My hairdresser said something similiar to me yesterday. He doesn't focus on the 'negative' aspects that I would; he only wants to accentuate the positives, the strengths that he sees when I sit in the chair. When I take I seat, I bring with me my perception and judgements of myself. I could see chubby cheeks (my nickname from my dad growing up), where my hairdresser sees a face with nice cheekbones that are showcased with the right cut.  I leave the creating to him because I know I don't see what he sees but I do know how I feel with each cut and I love the sense of lightness, simplicity and prettiness, qualities that I am starting to embrace within myself.

My hairdresser also said that I have an unexplainable quality to me that he finds attractive but he can't describe it. He thinks it's the circumstances of my life that has created many layers to me that gives me substance. Hmmmmm. Wasn't that what my husband has been trying to tell me over these years? Whatever judgements I have hit myself with has actually built up a power in me that attracts people to me. It's an inner power that has developed over the years from taking responsibility for my healing; of letting go of a lot of pain, learning to believe in myself and learning to trust in love for myself and others. I have a light that shines from me that others see and experience. My energy radiates out to others more so when I am consciously aware of my depth, my "Soul". 

Thomas Moore says, "Soul is not a thing, but a quality or dimension of experiencing life and ourselves. It has to do with depth, value, relatedness, heart and personal substance."

If you are still hanging onto regrets, self-judgement and shame, maybe it's time to look at them all with a cleaner set of lens, to learn from them, accept them as a part of your self-discovery & then give them over to God. Through this process, "Soul" develops and your inner light will shine! Release your power!

Upon later reflection and journaling, I was able to detach myself from the emotions of the situation and was able to look at it objectively; I would like to share some of my insights I've gained over the years; I think most people can see themselves somewhere in this and hopefully can gain some clarity from this….

1)      When you think someone is verbally attacking you, before you react, stop and ask yourself, “What buttons are they pressing in me? Why am I so hurt by their words and what emotions are arising in me as a result?” Take responsibility for how you are being affected; get to the core emotion: are you feeling hopeless, judged, regret, guilty, shamed, disgusted, hate, fear, jealousy, or anger? Let the emotion arise, and then let it go. Then ask yourself, what part of what was said has some truth in it? This truth can help me grow if I let it. Because if I don’t want to face something that hurts me, I will unconsciously project it onto you and make it your problem. You give your power away when you don't own your stuff ; you take it back when you can let go of what isn’t yours to own. It's about peeling back the layers of the onion to get to the sweet center; it takes time and patience to work through what we feel is resistance. If we don't work through it, then we keep struggling but if we take the dare to step up to the plate, then we are rewarded with some learning and peace of understanding.

Let the fear go.

I lived in England for a year when I was 12 years old. I made friends with a local girl and a new girl to the area. We were talking about friendship and the two of them said they were best friends. I said to one of them that she was my best friend but she sternly pointed out that that we couldn’t be best friends because she was already the other girl’s best friend- no big deal, right? I came back home, but over time, I thought my friends treated me differently and I felt unsure about our friendships. Over the next few years, I struggled with letting people in and I didn’t trust too easily. Just recently, through reflection, the English incident came up- the feeling that accompanied it was of distrust of others and a judgment of myself “What do I have to offer?” It was unconscious beliefs and uncomfortable feelingsI pinned to the English incident and it coloured all my perceptions about future relationships and built doubt within myself without me being aware of it.

We all have something in our lives that blocks us from truly living a fulfilled life and if you look close enough, you can uncover the root cause which stems from your past, dragged along into your present- it is something that you haven’t been able to let go of. What is it? Take some time to reflect.

It is in sitting with yourself in silence that the answers you seek come to light. Be patient; the answers do come but be ready for what comes up.

You might surprise yourself. Let go of any judgements and take a stance of curiosity because it is all about learning who you are.

4)    We are teachers and students in this lifetime. Our words and behaviours affect one another even if we aren’t aware of it so we need to be aware of how we are relating to our world as you never know who is watching and learning from you. I am inspired by people that have the courage to challenge their perspective, get in touch with their emotions and take responsibility for their pain and when I come in contact with such a person, it allows me to expand on my own journey of self-care. And if I am a part of an “A-Ha” moment of understanding for them, then I blog about it. I share my insights, my inspirations, my search for the truth because possibly you will gain something from my words to help you become more aware of your internal landscape, the story you re-tell yourself everyday. Maybe you are going through what I am going through and my words offer a new perspective. It’s the sharing of stories that we find healing, hope, courage and understanding. I have talked with enough people to know that a lack of validation from a parent/parents in the growing years, influences many decisions made as an adult and it leaves an internal scar that reads that you aren’t good enough as you are.